Vagina hats are that seemingly ubiquitous symbol of mile wide and inch deep feminism that represents the seriously silly, sophomoric, soporific, insipid, and frequently sedentary wing of the modern “unemployed, unwashed, angry idiots, who like to kill babies, but serial killers shouldn’t be put to death” members of the Democratic Party. You see them in marches, protests, indeed in gatherings of every size. Wherever you see something in need of a ridiculous protest, you see vagina hats. Sexism? Vagina hats. Racism? Vagina hats. Hangnails? Vagina hats. Feminine odor problems? Well…. you get the point.

With all the good vagina hats have done for this country, why not solve the problems of other countries? Let’s start with….. Venezuela! Yes, we all know that Venezuela is a socialist paradise (much like New York City), but even a socialist paradise has a few minor problems to be solved. So, what problem first? How about we start with infant mortality? In Venezuela there is an extreme shortage of working incubators. Even if you have one that works, you are short cleaning supplies to sterilize it, and have so many rolling blackouts that last for hours, it might as well not work. How can we Americans help with this? Vagina hats!

Now that’s solved, lets move on to other annoyances, like those pesky people standing for hours in lines outside of shops, waiting to buy food. They are doing this so they, and their families might not have to root through the trash, otherwise scavenge, eat the family dog, or start catching rats & pigeons to eat. It’s a universal truth, no one wants to see their children starve. They are willing to give them away to see them live. What is the solution? Ban standing in line outside of shops, and….. Vagina hats for everybody!

OK, so the vagina hats haven’t helped very much so far, maybe they’ll be just what the doctor ordered for this next issue. Chief Executive Bus Driver, er, Presidente Nicolas Maduro, and his over-inflated predecessor Hugo Chavez, are well known for kidnapping, arresting, banning, threatening, and killing their opponents.

While it is obvious that none of these travesties was improved by the addition of pink, knitted hats, at least the Venezuelan women can now protest against men trying to force them to do the cooking (what there is of it) and cleaning. If you believe the solution to real world problems is a pink (or red) hat, you have probably been listening to this guy:

“Vagina hats represent freedom from oppression, and can cure any problem instantly. Why bother coming up with serious policy solutions? You too, can solve all your problems with vagina hats!”