If you’re a female and you have a Facebook or Instagram, you’ve probably seen about 348 advertisements in the last few months for the Perfect Sculpt bra, or something quite similar. It is a strapless and backless bra that uses adhesive to pull your fun bags together and supposedly upward. It’s marketed as a godsend to those who, like me, cannot stand the sight or feel of bra straps.
Several celebrities have vouched for it, including Coco Austin (Ice-T’s wife). I have to admit that Coco got me. She sold the hell out of that bra to me with her enthusiastic and busty tutorial. I won’t apologize. Though I was especially skeptical if the product would work for me–as I have natural, post-multiple children breasts. They aren’t huge but they are larger than average. I joke about having to use a crank to get them back into my bras.
It took a little less than a week for me to receive the Perfect Sculpt bra in the mail, which is an acceptable time frame, as the fulfillment center is located here in the United States. It came in a small bag and was unharmed during its travel.
I immediately stuck the thing onto my Smothers Brothers after it arrived. The adhesive worked great, even after I adjusted both cups to make my asymmetrical fruits of independence look like they’re the same size, and also to push them upward as much as possible. I then pulled on the strings that connect them, to bring them together again (“Reunited” by Peaches & Herb briefly played in the background of my mind). My boobs seemed agreeable at that point, but I had to put a tank top on with one of those half-assed built-in bras in it to get my sweater stretchers to actually seemed to conjure up what little pride they still had left in themselves. The bra did need some assistance.
Unfortunately, I still couldn’t use my chesticles as a table, but they looked presentable at the very least. Perhaps even friendly. I decided to keep it on for the remainder of the day. It is recommended that you only wear the bra for 6 hours at a time, but as far as I can tell, that may be just in case you have sensitive skin and have a higher risk of developing some sort of an irritation after a longer period of time. I wore the Perfect Sculpt for around 8 hours, and since I live in Arizona, I was sweaty for a majority of it. Of course I performed all those tests we ladies put a new bra through–jumping, bending over, seeing if I could store a can of beer in my cleavage. It passed, but I won’t be running the Beer Mile in one of these bras.
I did not develop any sort of irritation, and the bra was still sticky as well as comfortable throughout the entire experience. Around bed time I took it off, and placed it on my dresser, so as not to have it stick to any other clothing.
The next day, I washed the bra with soap and water in the sink. I could not seem to get the dust and other small particles which had collected on it to wash off. The adhesive was noticeably less sticky before I even tried to put it back on. In hindsight, I probably should have kept the plastic sheets that covered the adhesive in the cups which the bra had come with.
I was able to wear the bra a second time, without using a different soap to try to get it cleaner. However, the adhesive did not work as well on the second go around. My boobs did rest against one another, but they seemed like they were an old married couple waiting for the other to finally pull the trigger on the divorce talk.
In conclusion: Keep the plastic sheets which protect the cups from particles in the air when you don’t have the bra on, and remember to clean it right after you take it off. It is nice to avoid bra straps altogether, but don’t count on this bra to solve every titty problem on your list. While it may pull your breasts back together and put a barrier between your nipple and your shirt, it may not help them to look like they’re enjoying themselves. If you’re trying to avoid natural bounce, it won’t do that either.