The Jokes Won’t Write Themselves…but They Should

There’s a group of people out there being way too quiet, and I’m not talking about the news media.

I left the “hard news” business a long time ago, as I saw the writing on the wall. It was becoming more and more a propaganda outfit for certain candidates and issues, and I didn’t want to be a part of that. Ergo, it never surprises me when news “omits” a few key details, buries stories, or uses a little distraction to hide and ignore stories that don’t fit their narrative of the day.

What does surprise, and sadden, me is that everyone from late night talk show hosts to sketch comedy writers are making a lazy effort not to make jokes about more and more people, including the current White House occupants.

I have always loved comedy. I wanted to write it at one time, and even worked at a comedy club (waitressing) so I could hang out with these folks and get some pointers. Over the years, I learned one thing about comics: no adult is “safe.” If you are a living, breathing person, you will be made fun of to some extent.

This is as should be, particularly with public figures.

People are funny. People we admire are funny. People we can’t stand are funny. It didn’t matter if the joke was inappropriate, offensive or “too soon” to tell, somewhere out there, a comic was finding laughter in the flawed human condition.

This is why this weird, self-imposed moratorium on political comedy is so off-putting to comedy lovers.

Let me address you late night television sketch writers directly:

I don’t care who you like, hate, voted for, or who has you in their back pocket. There’s no excuse for missing out on the comedy gold the Biden administration is tossing to you like candy to trick-or-treaters.

It seems you’ve been focused so much on the past president. I’ll admit he too produced some quality comedy ideas, as did the president before him, and the ones before him.

Yet here we are with a mumbling, sniffy, visibly disoriented president, followed around by the corrupt cop soccer mom who “did a little something” special to a few peeps in power to get where she is and cackles like a wicked witch.

Can you not see an, “It was Kamala, all along,” WandaVision style song parody in all this?

There’s so much more there! If you’re stuck, I’ll give you a few easy and obvious set ups.

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• Try the classic: Lord of the Rings King Theoden set up. Sad, old Joe is sitting haggard and slumped behind his desk as Grima Pelosi whispers consistently in his ear:

“No, no sir, we don’t want a good economy again. People need to be taxed to better to appreciate your excellence…..An open border will bring in countless allies for your fight against the people who dare to oppose your power….”

Of course, there’s Smeagal Harris hiding in the background, stroking a Seal of the President of the United States uttering, ”My Precious.”

Run with it, all! I even gave you a poorly Photoshopped graphic (see above) for inspiration.

• Don’t like that one? Try the golden age of cinema, with a similar approach, with a big disembodied “Biden the Great and Powerful” head floating over the masses until someone peeks behind the curtain, and there’s a big Swamp Donkey (I’m sure there’s one somewhere in Oz) pulling strings…

C’mon, man! That would work!

• Try one for all us Gen Xers and the original MTV generation. Reporters are there for Biden’s first press conference, and they wheel out a television and flip it on, and Biden appears on the screen as Max Headroom. And, he can’t stop glitching.

Reporters: “Can you tell me the situation at the border, Mr. President?’’

Biden: “ZZZZ…Pony…Cages…C-c-corn…Pop!…Faaa…#MaskUp!”

Reporters: “Excellent answer, sir. So nice to see ‘grownups’ in the White House.”

Try this, it would be hilarious.

• What about bringing in some blue collar stand up?

“If you have signed more executive orders than the days you’ve been in office…you might be a dictator.”

“If you surround your ‘palace’ with barbed wire and guard for fear of your own citizens…you might be a dictator.”

“If you ban books or speech that might give people ideas other than yours…you might be a dictator.”

How can that not be obvious??

You know, I get it. Biden is an old man who is being obviously used, and sometimes the thought of the elder abuse going on in D.C. is too sad. However, every president has that embarrassing relative (don’t forget Billy Beer). In this administration, you don’t have far to “Hunt.”

• Think of a visit from Hunter. He’s on a White House balcony overlooking his daddy’s kingdom and reaches in his pocket to take a quick toke. He pats down all his pockets, but can’t find anything….

“Dadddd!!! One of your peons stole my weed again. Fire them all!”

This could be even funnier if Kamala walks by and palms him off a nickel bag.

“Try this. It got me so high once, I traveled though time to listen to Tupac.”

Now, I’m not going to write these skits…or jokes for you guys — you’re job, writers.

And you need to start doing it again.

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