Gather around children! It’s story time.
Once upon a time there was a cable news network called “Cable News Network.” It was an exciting time. The American military was bombing a bad man named Saddam Hussein. People would rush home from work to watch the events unfold. There was a man we all looked up to. His name was Wolf! Wolf Blitzer.
There even was this guy, Darth Vader, who would say, “This is CNN,” and we all clapped.
Then a bad thing happened. The Cable News Network’s quality went for a walk in the forest and never came back. The Cable News Network was scared so it hired a man named The Zucker.
The Zucker was scary because he would do anything except go look for quality. It seemed like he had a diabolical plan to get people to watch without telling them anything true.
Nobody knew what The Zucker would do, until one day while walking in the forest, he came across The Trump. Now The Trump was super scary because he said things that The Zucker’s friends thought were terrible and evil. The Zucker was riveted with amazement. This Trump thing would talk and all the people would watch just to see what he would say.
Then The Zucker got a great idea! He would stay in the forest but far away from quality and feed The Trump. He found a little house in the forest with seven little people living inside.
“Why, I can get these little people to fight The Trump and all the people will watch us,” he schemed. He then gathered each of the Seven Dorks and gave them each special jobs.
The Seven Dorks would come on TV every day and tell bad stories about The Trump and the people loved it! It didn’t even have to be true. In fact, the more not true it was, the more the people loved to watch the Dorks.
Then one day, The Trump went away and The Zucker and the Seven Dorks were sad. They tried to keep talking about The Trump but the people didn’t care anymore.
Everyone is sad and they secretly want The Trump to come back but we don’t know if that will ever happen.