House of the Dragon – episode 2. Game of Yawns.

Settled in for episode 2 of HBO’s House of the Dragon last night. What a total yawn-fest. What the hell are we watching? Game of Yawns? SPOILERS AHEAD. If you can spoil an episode so completely boring. I never watched Downton Abbey with Dragons, but it feels like I did last night. Can someone in the writers room please add some threat of something bigger? Some looming danger? You’ve only got 10 episodes. Episode one is ‘welcome back, here’s who’s in the show’. I’ll give you that. But episode 2 could’ve been covered in a fucking voice over. For real.

The audience is smart! We get it! Mr King has an infected finger. He’s dead meat. So, there’s kind of a ticking clock for squinty queen girl and her dragon. Oh! And the patriarchy is bad. Yup, we get it. No one can be trusted! Ohhhhh! Surprise, surprise! We get it. We get it. We get it! And guess what else? We don’t care. We need some serious stakes all up in this shit. What are we, the audience, worried about? The crab dudes? Meh. If you legit want us to worry about the crab dudes, you need to bring a shit ton more of that to the table and 100% less of bad wig wussy king staring at his toy dragon set, scenes.

I legit want to like this show! Love the GOT books. Love the world. But again, GOT had tons of shit you all just don’t. They had magic! The White Walker threat! The return of dragons! Yes, there was quest for power, but from a million different angles. Would the zombies win? Would house Stark win? Would the Dragon lady win? What about the Witch lady and her people? There were threats everywhere! You have girl landing her dragon on bridge catching an egg? Is that it? Oh! And the crab dudes… Nope. That’s not gonna cut it.

Me thinks the HBO execs made a big mistake. They should have gone back farther in the timeline. Gone back to before the Wall. Go back the war with the elves/first people. At least there would be more threats. More things to worry about. This House of the Dragon, who is staring at who, show is a snooze. It’s episode 2 and I’m not worried about a thing. Not one.

Here’s what’s coming up on episode 3! The crab dudes do more of the same shit we’ve seen in the previous episodes…

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Writer, Comedian, Geek, Purveyor of the Sexy Heathen lifestyle. Sometimes on TV. AKA 'The Mgmt.' Always hanging round TheLoftusParty.com

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