Leaked! Hallmark’s 2023 Christmas Movie – Jingle Jihad

We have exclusive excerpts from Hallmarks 2023 Christmas movie due out next month.

Scene: Noor is working in her shop Intifada Essentials. Mom walks in.

Mom: Noor, slow down, ebnah. You’ve been ready for Christmas for three weeks already!

Noor: Oh Mama!  You now how busy this season gets. My RPGs are still in the boxes.

Mom: Ebnah, you’re incorrigible (shakes her head lovingly).

Mahmoud, the swarthy handy man who looks like Brad Pitt, if Brad Pitt was 20 years younger and $30 million cheaper enters the shop, awkwardly carrying multiple boxes.

Mahmoud: Noor, where do you want the glider parts?

Noor: Now where you put them the last 20 times you asked?

Together (whimsically): The tunnel next to the water pipes!

(playful music hinting at future romance)

Scene: Farouk Worthington, who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio, if Leonardo DiCaprio was 20  years and $30 million cheaper, fresh from a flight from Qatar, enters Noor’s business.

Farouk: Which one of you is known as Noor?

Noor: (excitedly): Hi! How can I help you?

Farouk: I have an exciting project. I am building our new underground headquarters and I heard that you have a gift for obtaining supplies.

(mom comes out from the back room)

Mom: Yes she does! My little Noor is very talented and capable and (pausing at Farouk’s handsome profile) worth many goats!

Noor: Mom!

Scene: In the tunnels, unpacking IEDs, Noor and Mahmoud are unpacking boxes and shelving the inventory.

Noor: Mahmoud, for a dumb ox, you are a lifesaver. We’d have never made the deadline without you.

Mahmoud (making horns over his head with his hands): I live to serve (makes snorting sounds).

(they both laugh, and hold each other’s gaze just a second too long)

Mahmoud: You know, I don’t believe Farouk has the best intentions for Gazatown.

Noor (defensively): Farouk only want to bring prosperity to our little town this Christmas.

Mahmoud: Did you not know? The new headquarters is (dramatic pause, serious music) under the hospital!

Noor (looking downward, sad): Mahmoud, there’s something I have to tell you. I’ve agreed to go with Farouk and be his personal servant.

Lots of somber music as a montage of sweet moments between Noor and Mahmoud.

Scene: At the airport. Noor is visibly conflicted as she stands there looking at departure times to Qatar. Zoom into Noor’s face as melancholy music plays. A voice comes from behind.

Mahmoud (whispering): Noor… I … I just need to say something. I had a vision of you and I hanging stockings above the fireplace. A vision of a dozen little martyrs. A … Noor, I would trade seventy-two virgins for you.

3 comments on “Leaked! Hallmark’s 2023 Christmas Movie – Jingle Jihad

  1. Aggie says:

    But he wouldn’t trade the goats.

    RUN, NOOR!! RUN!!!

  2. TMS says:

    Farouk Worthington will never let them live in peace. Noor knows too much. He will hunt them down like rabid dogs.

    1. The Mgmt. says:

      Good point. LOL!

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