I can’t and won’t sugar coat it. Here’s the latest trailer for Rings of Power, season 2. I am calling this show the impossible burger of tv. If you’re not familiar with the product, Impossible Burger, I’ll describe it. Imposible Burger is a vegan, soy protein-based concoction that is supposed to taste like meat. Supposedly, the taste is so close, they would have you believe it’s impossible to believe it isn’t meat. That’s what I glean from the name. That’s just me. I haven’t tried the impossible burger because I enjoy real meat. You can see where this is going, I hope. Although I do have my doubts now.

The Impossible Burger is a soy-based recreation of something quite good. Unbelievably good. Rings of Power is also a soy-based recreation of something insanely wonderful and good. The Lord of the Rings and the Silmarillion. As a television writer and producer, I can tell you this right now: Rings of Power, as a piece of entertainment, is bad. It’s awful. All of it. The pacing, the plot, the characters… ALL OF IT is bad, beyond a few CG establishing shots.

I’ve recently come across a few casual acquaintances who claimed they watched the Rings of Power, and they shrugged their shoulders sheepishly and said they kinda watched it. They were like ‘Meh… I’ll look at it. I like the Lord of Rings so much… Meh… I watch Rings of Power… It’s not great, but… meh… I’ll watch. To those people I would like to say: STOP! STOP IMMEDIATELY! You are eating Impossible Burger! Go out and get a copy of The Lord of the Rings books and The Silmarillion and read it! Enjoy the best filet mignon you have ever had. If you claim to like The Lord of the Rings, movies. Then read the fucking books ya lazy bastards! Then follow that up with a mind-boggling piece of awesomeness called The Silmarillion!

Here’s the frustrating part: The “meh, it’s alright”, people don’t even know they’re being fed Impossible burger. They think they’re eating meat. No! You’re not. Tolkien delivered the good stuff. The Lord of Rings and The Silmarillion are SO STRONG, all you have to do is call some piece of shit tv show Lord of Rings, adjacent and some clueless people will watch. Don’t do it. Read the source material. It’s the meat that Rings of Power is so horribly imitating. Here’s the trailer for Season 2 of Rings of Power. The Impossible Burger of TV shows return August 29 on Amazon.