Here’s our thoughts on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Some of you won’t like it but that’s just how it goes. There’s no solution that will make everybody happy. However, there is a solution. Ready? Just stop. Fucking stop already. I mean that very sincerely. To the Palestinians: You’re never going to “win.” Might as well wrap your heads around that now. I cannot even imagine a scenario where Israel is no more. Can you? In your wildest dreams, what happens to the people? Do they all disappear? Or do they all die? If your dream answer was “they all die” then you’ll understand why I’m on the side of Israel.

Now let’s put the shoe on the other foot. To the people of Israel: What is your dream solution? I kind of think the answer to that question is, “We just want the attacks to stop. Just leave us in peace.” At least I hope it is.

So here we are. Palestinians will never “win.” The US and other allies will always come to the aid of Israel. So there’s no “winning” in the future. Ever. And Israel wants the attacks to end. Okay.

Here’s what I’m proposing: Everybody stop. Whatever the boundaries are today…those are the boundaries. That’s the land you got. That’s what we’re putting on all the maps and Google Earth. Any bullshit land on the outskirts of Israel or Palestinian territories are off limits to both sides. Sorry. Nobody gets it. It’s a fucking wildlife refuge now. Never to be developed. Ever.

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To the Palestinian people: It has to have occurred to you that none of this is going well. Have you taken ANY territory? What victory can you point to in terms of land gained in the past…let’s say 50 years? Have you gained ANYTHING? That’s what I thought. The fighting rages on and on and on. More death and more destruction and you are losing ground. You have to know that. Right? You’re losing. Whoever your generals are, they have failed you.

Many times, both sides have come together to figure out a “peace deal,” and Israel makes an offer, then somebody on the Arab side rejects it and the Palestinians walk away with nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. And then comes another deal and the offer is worse than the one you just turned down.

It has to suck. It has to hurt. You can make it stop. Take the next deal you get offered. For real. Take it. Then you can start to build some kind of future for your families.

If you’ve ever been to the region it is PAINFULLY obvious that Israel is doing better than the Palestinian territory. It’s like night and day. Israel is green and the Arab side is not. Israel has infrastructure and the Arab side does not. Why? Because the Palestinian people are being lied to and used. The Arab people and their lives aren’t a priority in their leaders’ eyes. I don’t know any other way to say it. They would rather have a never-ending war than to see you be happy. You must stop listening to them. That’s the solution. Stop.

Now here’s a little something for all the “learned scholars” who are shaking their heads right now with my profound ignorance of the “history” of the region and all the subtle nuances of the problem: I don’t care. I don’t. No, I haven’t devoted my life to the study of thousands of years of blah, blah, blah. That shit never ends. It’s now officially a waste of time and life. Maybe if you had a time machine, I’d listen and we could go back to the year zero and figure out who owned what and who started whatever. But ya don’t. So let’s deal with the here and now.

Here’s another tidbit: The days of waking up to find out a country has been taken over by another country are over. That shit ended a loooong time ago. Ask Saddam how it went for him in Kuwait. Once upon a time it was commonplace. Maps and territories would change overnight and it would take the world weeks to catch up. Again, those days are over. Arabs took their shot at wiping Israel off the earth back in the 70’s. You lost. Time to move on.

There may be subtle changes in borders on maps, but long gone are the days of, “Holy shit! Look how many countries blah-blah just took over.” So you’re going to have to let the insane dream of eliminating Israel go the way of the Dodo. There’s no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

Here’s another thing to consider: Israel could get tired of this “game” and fuck you ALL the way up. They could legit lay waste to the place you call home. Things would be super tense…but you have to think they could probably pull it off. It’s just a matter of world-wide public opinion. It’s a PR thing. That should scare the fuck out of you. Every rocket attack on Israel (which doesn’t gain you anything) only gives more footage to the PR machines that could eventually use it to end you.

As far as I see it, there’s only one way out. Stop. Just stop. Don’t live in the past. Build a future for you and the ones you love by stopping the violence. It’s not easy but it is simple.