First of all, we should let you know that this isn’t a joke. This is legit research published by doctors and everything! According to this study, taking Viagra cuts the risk of Alzheimer’s. Yes, we used 69% because, come on, it’s kinda funny. Why use 2/3rds when you can use 69? Besides, that’s the actual number from the study.

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This is all very good news. There has been very little good news in the Alzheimer’s front and if Viagra shows some promise, we think it’s fantastic! For real. That’s no joke. And who knows? Maybe this will lead to more medicines and treatments? That would be awesome!

Now for a bit of levity. We have to. Right? Viagra is pretty awesome. You can sport wood like a porn star whenever you want. And don’t forget Cialis. Another pro-boner pill. And now we find out Viagra is good for your mind! (New meaning to dick head? Meh.) My point is this: There’s plenty of reasons to take a boner pill.

And boner pills work. Boners aren’t the problem. Dude and boners are all set. Let the scientists know they can stop working on that one. We need all the people in lab coats to give their full attention to the real problem: A pill to make the ladies horny! We have plenty of dudes running around sporting wood. If we had something to do with that wood, that’d be swell. Can we do something for the ladies now? Please? A little something that would make them want to bang us more?

And for all of you thinking, “Isn’t money the female Viagra?” The answer is yes. But it wears off WAY too quick. We need a pill for the ladies. Not every dude can have Elon Musk money. A pill would be nice.