Christina Aguilara’s Epic Hulk-Chest, Strap-On Fail.

It’s getting sad for Christina Aguilara. How desperate is this chick? And who’s giving her advice? It’s borderline pathetic. Here’s what happened. Christina recently performed at an LA Pride event and (shock…) she wore a bejeweled strap-on and a Hulk torso? Yeah… a green hulk looking torso. Okay. So, obviously she want’s attention. But hasn’t she always? That’s the thing with Christina Aguilara, she always comes across as too desperate for attention. There’s a neediness to her that just reeks of a giant self-esteem issue. That’s my takeaway from this incredibly lame stunt. Someone needs to get her into a self-help group. Something. Let her know she’s good enough. Because this little LA Pride, Hulk fake weiner thing was just lame on almost every level.

First of all, it was an all-ages show. So, how about you dial back on the fake dicks around the kids. That’s for starters. That’s just an insanely bad call. But let’s focus on the stunt part of it all for just a second. This whole “I’m wearing a strap on dick and I’m singing” thing feels really old. Didn’t Miley Cyrus do this ages ago? For real. It seems like this fake weiner thing has been done before. It’s not even edgy. It’s pedestrian and boring. Then you throw on the Hulk Torso? WTF? Who picked that out? Was that a last minute thing? Shouldn’t they have bedazzled the torso so it’d match the dick? Why not go matchy- matchy? Was it a last second decision? That’s how it looked. That was some thrift store looking lameness. Thank goodness they pulled back your hair… to give off a giant billboard forehead effect. Dayum! The whole look was disturbing in a ‘nobody planned this, but someone said it’d look edgy’ kinda way. They were wrong.

Christina, you gotta do your own thing. You don’t want to just be an echo of some shit Madonna or Miley did a decade ago. And for the love of God, don’t do this shit in front of kids! What’s wrong with you?

About the Author
Writer, Comedian, Geek, Purveyor of the Sexy Heathen lifestyle. Sometimes on TV. AKA 'The Mgmt.' Always hanging round TheLoftusParty.com

2 comments on “Christina Aguilara’s Epic Hulk-Chest, Strap-On Fail.

  1. Crystal says:

    liberalism really IS a mental disorder and it is contageous with the risk factor being a low IQ. LDD Liberal Dumbass Disease, we need a vaccine or medical treatment stat!

    1. The Mgmt. says:

      Yes! Step one in the treatment? A history book! LOL

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