I watched Godzilla vs. Kong last night on HBO Max and I have thoughts. So, here’s a review. Will there be spoilers? Yeah. Probably. I won’t give away the ending (cause I’m not a dick) but there will be some plot points discussed. You have been warned.

First of all let me say I watched this for a couple reasons. One, I love these monsters. These characters. Two, I’m rocking the HBO Max or Plus or whatever they call it for free. Yup. Free for a year. Check with your cell phone provider, there’s a good chance you can get several streaming services for free as well. At least for a year.

Now, let’s dig into the movie. Special effects have developed to a point where you can make anything happen on screen and it will look pretty damned real. That’s great. Now you just need a great story to back it up. Hint: You ALWAYS need a great story.

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Godzilla vs. Kong kinda had that. It was close, but no cigar. That’s actually my thought for the whole movie: close…but no cigar. Spectacular? Yes. But the spectacle wears off once you’re used to it. There were SO many shots of the monsters (I’m using the term monsters as a shorthand. Too lazy to type out the full names over and over) that it was just commonplace. I got used to it so fast that nothing that was supposed to be spectacular was anymore. It wore off. And this movie needed spectacle. It relied on it. Oh, well. It was fun, though. I will say that.

Story problems: If you set up rules? You have to follow them. Or else you’re a lazy writer and you don’t care. If you don’t care? We won’t either. In the movie Kong lives in a giant enclosure. We’re told that the instant he comes out? Godzilla will attack. Meanwhile, Godzilla attacks another monster…in a giant enclosure…. So…pick a lane. Do enclosures work? Or no?

The actors were fine. I got no beef with any of them. Whatever. Insane dialogue? Sure. Insane choices made by characters? Sure. Whatever. It’s not about them anyway. Monsters baby. It’s about the monsters.

Did I laugh out loud? Yes. It just got that crazy. Just insane. At one point in the movie (and it’s completely unnecessary–like the WHOLE plot point is unnecessary–a GIANT hunk of the movie is just…extra) our hero, the mighty Kong, a giant gorilla, turns into Indiana Jones. It’s hilarious. You have to see it just for that sequence. There’s a temple and a relic that Kong figures out is actually a key. Kong figures it out. Kong. The giant gorilla. Hilarious!

So here’s the takeaway from Godzilla vs. Kong. See it…but see it for free. Expect nothing. You might have a good time. It is what it is. — The Mgmt