The new Christmas action comedy Red One is not playing both on Amazon Prime and in theatres, and it’s not a bad film for the season.
I mean it is what it is. It’s a comic adventure featuring action movie stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Chris Evans as on a mission to find the recently kidnapped Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons) in time for Christmas. There isn’t too much more you need to know to go into it. It features a decent enough supporting cast. Lucy Liu and Bonnie Hunt do a worthy job, and Game of Thrones’ Kristofer Hivju pretty much steals every scene he’s in as Krampus.
However, you can’t deny 69-year-old J.K. Simmons is impressive as a totally ripped Nick. Dude is in better shape than most Millennials and Gen Zers in their prime. I enjoyed it, because it’s continuing the trend of the taking names and kicking ass Santa films that have been popping up over the past few years:
Here’s a few examples, starting with the more family friendly options:
The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
Kurt Russell is Santa in this Netflix original about a pair of siblings trying to capture Santa on tape. There are some cringy corny moments, I’ll warn you, but it’s fun for the most part. Plus, Kurt Russell is always cool. There is a sequel to this, but it really wasn’t necessary or very good. I would stick with the first.
Klaus (2019)
This is an animated Netflix movie, that is really beautifully done and one of my favorites. It’s redemption of the Christmas spirit story for the main protagonist, but mostly a different take on the origin of Santa. Interesting enough, the tough and stoic Klaus is voiced by.. J.K. Simmons.
Rise of the Guardians (2012)
This animated film is based on the beautiful children’s book series Guardians of Childhood by William Joyce. Some of the greatest legends of holiday and childhood lore come together to stop an evil darkness from taking over the world. The best character is Hugh Jackman as the smartass tough guy Easter Bunny, but the look of Mister North is just plain awesome. We’ll try to overlook the fact he was voiced by Alec Baldwin. I have a hard time finding this one, but if you run across it, it is worth a watch.
Now for a couple of R-Rated takes:
Violent Night (2022)
In this blood-soaked and profanity-laden action comedy, David Harbour of Stranger Things fame is a reluctant and past-his-prime Santa, who has to intervene when a very difunctional family is taken hostage by mercenaries. The best thing about this is seeing how Harbour’s Santa came to be in the first place. Not the greatest action movie on the planet, but a fun guilty pleasure for the season.
Fatman (2020)
I think this one is underrated, because it came out in 2020 when the world was stupid, but Mel Gibson is awesome in this one. Gibson is a cool and believable version of a Santa trying to keep his business afloat. In the meantime, a spoiled but lonely punkass kid decides to get back at Santa for his naughty list ranking and sent a hitman (Walter Goggins) out to kill him. Needless to say Santa wins, but it’s a bloody struggle. One of the best anti-Hallmark Christmas movies around.
If you haven’t gotten around to seeing this one, I highly recommend.
So if you’re looking for some Christmas cheer where Santa isn’t a plump representative of body positivity, give some of these ass-kicking Santa films a try.
And, you’d better watch out…and watch your back if you cross Saint Nick.