There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s just start by saying you read that headline correctly. Yes, there is a federal grant for $6.9 million for the development of a “smart toilet.” And, yes, evidently buttholes are kinda like fingerprints and can be used to identify people. This could completely revolutionize police work. “Detective, book him for robbery and run his analprints through the system and see if he’s got any warrants for ass crimes.”
So what in the hell is going on here? Government waste is going on. That’s what! Senator Rand Paul found this doozy in his yearly report on wasteful spending by the government. (RELATED: Stimulus Bill Insanity [VIDEO])
So there you have it. University gets millions to develop a toilet while millions of Americans watch their tax dollars get thrown around like confetti. Oh! This is all during lockdowns where millions are told they can’t go to work and earn money.
Let’s just hope the knowledge that you have “analprints” get you through these trying times. Maybe this could start a new wave of fortune tellers. “Are you going to read my palm?” “No…this is a new thing…. It’s a bit different. I learned it at Stanford while I was studying smart toilets.”
It’s all so ridiculous. Wasteful spending is always bad but this just seems worse than normal. Projects like this need to wait until hardworking Americans are back on their feet.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have my analprints removed so I’m not accused of a crime I didn’t commit.