We have to call bullshit when we see it. So, yes. We’re putting the Oscars on blast. Making fun of this train wreck of an award show will serve a couple purposes. One, it will serve as a wake up call for Hollywood. Two, it’ll be a therapeutic bitch session for all of us who watched. Woo-hoo! Let’s begin, shall we?

These are in no particular order. These are random notes I made as I struggled through the show last night. Yes, I watched. Wanted to be an actual witness and not rely on secondhand accounts.

It was a shit show. The Oscars and Hollywood have forgotten why they exist. That’s bad. They have one task and that’s to entertain. They chose to abandon that task and that will be their undoing.

Stop with the politics. Stop completely. I know it makes you feel important, but here’s the bad news: You’re not. Video games and streaming services are whipping your ass. Big time! You might want to focus on how to save movie theaters and your industry.

(RELATED: Upstream Reviews Spotlights Great Fiction without the Wokeness)

Entertain me, you dumbasses. Stop preaching and just entertain me. It’s not fucking rocket science.

*UPDATE* Lowest Ratings EVER!! https://deadline.com/2021/04/2021-0scars-tv-ratings-academy-awards-low-abc-disney-1234744135/

Get a host. Not someone in the movie biz either. Anyone attached to the movie biz is going to be too busy kissing ass to be funny or entertaining.

Regina King was the MC last night. She’s a fine actress. She’s not the host you needed. Politics right outta the gate. Like, her second sentence was a political stance. Just incredibly off-putting. Hated it.

The setting of your show was shit as well. Was that Union Station? In the daytime? WTF? Was this a matinee? Nothing is glamourous in the daytime. Sorry. It’s a nighttime show. Sunlight blasting through the set was odd. Very odd. It looked like the CAA holiday party. The train station set was bizarre too! Nothing says entertainment capital of the world like some booths at a fucking train station.

I’ll say it again for the Oscars producers and all of Hollywood: ENTERTAINMENT! YOU ARE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS!

Too many speeches about how movies are supposed to teach us…and how the artists have a duty to speak their truths. Guess what? No! No they don’t! And screw anybody who says that. You have a duty to teach? Go be a teacher.

Not every film needs to be “important. If EVERY film is “important” than none of them are.

The highlight of the show was the teaser for Spielberg’s West Side Story. Not even kidding. A fucking commercial was the best part of the broadcast. That actually looked like a good movie. It was downhill after that. And Regina King had already sent the show into the dirt in the first 30 seconds. So, I guess we should call the West Side Story trailer a respite. A glimpse at the way things should have been.

The Best Actor award was a train wreck. That’s not the way you close a show. That was embarrassing. For everyone involved.

I love the movies. Like, as a thing…I like movies overall. The theater. The experience. It’s magical. And you are killing it. Please stop. Nothing is guaranteed. Not even the movie biz. If you don’t think you can be replaced you’re out of your mind. So stop teaching and get back to basics: Entertainment.

Oh, almost forgot this: Zendaya looked stunning. Just straight up aces!