Happiness Is a Warm Spin

Bad Orange Man is gone and with it, Hilterian low unemployment and fascistic economic growth. With the long national nightmare safely behind us, happy days are here again!

Under the leadership of Joe Biden civility is returning, equality is returning, justice is returning, inflation is returning. [Record scratch sound effect.]

(RELATED: Montage: Journalists Ridiculing Chinese Lab COVID Theory)

Wait, what? My dollar’s stretch is shrinking as the price of basics are increasing?

Don’t tell Costco executives that inflation is low.

The big-box club chain said it’s been seeing accelerating prices across a range of products, including shipping containers, aluminum foil and a 20% spike in meat prices over the past month.

Regardless of whether or not this is just the temporary, jerky motions of an economy picking up steam post-Covid, you can count on being told it’s all good and you need to get your lyin’ eyes fixed. The warm, slightly smelly scent of gaslight is seeping back into our nostrils courtesy of the HVAC system known as our media.

New Banner Ad for 'Thor vs. the Valkyries'
ADVERTISEMENT: ‘Thor vs. the Valkyries’

What you’re about to see is a dramatic reenactment ripped from yesterday’s headlines. Remember the L. A. Times selling us on “funemployment”?

Welcome to inflatainment! Yes, kiddies, imagine all the fun things we can do with more dollars!

That cool “All about the Benjamins” thing!

Light a cigar with a $20!

Run a wheelbarrow full of cash to the grocery store!

See if it’s not too late to check out Crypto!

Vacation in Key West. Not that Key West, the Key West Seafood ‘n’ Cocktails a few blocks from downtown.

Get yourself a ’74 Dodge Dart, bell bottoms and something polyester and throw a nostalgia party!

These are just a few ideas! What’s yours?

1 comment on “Happiness Is a Warm Spin

  1. John Whelen says:

    Great work Gordon!

    You’ve inspired me to empty one of my mattresses and go buy myself a fighter jet.

    Maybe Mark Gastineau?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *