Explaining Squeeze to My Younger Self

I was 15 when my sister introduced me to Squeeze. I think it was “Tempted” that I first heard. But even though I was a dirtbag rocker, I loved this band along with Devo and a couple of other bands a Van Halen fan would diss.

(RELATED: Dirty Ditties – Genesis Edition)

Their music was upbeat, catchy and made for success on MTV. British new wave was making huge inroads and Squeeze was on the forefront. Who could forget “Cool For Cats”?

Highly danceable and clever as fook

Being a kid, I could care less about understanding 90% of the lyrics — my brain filled in the blanks. I think that’s normal. But finally, after a few decades of growing up and broadening my horizons, I learned what certain lyrics actually mean.

One of my favorite Squeeze tunes is “It’s Not Cricket.” For the benefit of my younger self, I’m going to explain the lyrics. I hope it’s fun/educational for you too. Notes in parenthesis.

She used to do a topless down at the Surrey Docks

(she was a stripper/exotic dancer)


With tassels on her whatsits she did a t’riffic job

( whatsits = boobies. tee-hee)


Of raising all the eyebrows of every lunchtime mob
She went with all the tossers who kick about a ball

(tossers = masturbators; see also, wanker)


They say their club’s the greatest, and she has kissed them all

(kick about a ball, their club = football a/k/a soccer)


At the Arndale Center, she’s up against the wall

( Arndale Center = American-style shopping mall)


I can’t name names cause that’s not cricket

(that’s not cricket = that’s not kosher/not cool)


I can’t name names that would put me in it
But that’s another story in the finish

I saw them at the pictures a tangled heap of love

(heap of love = two people all over each other)

(the pictures = the movies, dumbass)


He had so many women, but only classy stuff
I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff

(dude, he’s getting treated for an STD)


One holiday in Bognor a stag night hit the town

(Bognor, town in England)


The groom is in the car park with his trousers down
But that’s another story that won’t be going round
I can’t name names cause that’s not cricket
I can’t name names that would put me in it
But that’s another story in the finish

The Deptford had a beano to Southend for the night
With 40 crates of lager, to see the Southend lights
The got home for their breakfast pissed out of their minds

(pissed = drunk)


This girl gave me the minces so I asked her for a dance

(gave me the minces = sh*t, not even Google knows this one)


And in the death I kissed her and so I took a chance
And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm
I can’t name names cause that’s not cricket
I can’t name names that would put me in it
But that’s another story in the finish

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