Hello! I’m new here at The Loftus Party. I’m Tim and I work with Senor Loftus on That Show Tonight. Subscribe now at www.thatshowtonight.com, okay?

I like movies and I’m very verbose and opinionated. Let’s see how this shakes out… Here’s my spoiler free review of Jurassic World Dominion. Let’s get into it!

When watching the trailer for Jurassic World Dominion, you’re likely of two minds: 1) Dinosaurs all over the world? Sign me up! — or — 2) Ugh, really?

I was somewhere in the middle. I thought, maybe they’ll pull this off. They’ve got the money and resources. This franchise still has some good will. They’ve got a phone to call a few veteran Hollywood writers to make this make sense. Maybe it won’t suck?

Well, here’s my review in the form of a pros and cons list.

PROS:

– There were a handful of very clever callbacks to the original Jurassic Park (one in particular was perfectly subtle, I wonder if you’ll know it if/when you see it)

– Some very cool new dinosaurs (and not those large, ridiculous mutant dinosaurs, but semi-obscure ones you’ve seen in your high school textbook)

– Ian Malcolm had a few great lines

– When the CGI was good (mostly at night) it was very good

– It was almost entirely action packed, which is necessary because of the cons below

CONS:

– They should have used the concept of dinosaurs living among humans more

– A LOT of climate change virtue signaling (many an eye-roll was had)

– A LOT of anti-corporate overtones (which, I dunno, I’m not a big fan of corporations either, but knowing the politics of the actors and filmmakers, I just found it annoying. Also, it sounded like they were talking about stuff that people are trying to do to America in reality? Pick a side, guy!)

– There were lots of random pauses for heartfelt dialogue in the middle of intense danger that made no sense (which was actually entertaining in a this-movie-is-ridiculous way). At one point, I turned to my friend and said “What the f*** are they even talking about? Like I have no clue what the f*** they’re talking about.”

– Maaaybe, maaaaybe one cool dino kill throughout the whole movie and it was weak

– No spoilers but I had a problem with the kill-list too

– The plot and story was pretty absurd

– The whole Chris Pratt-Velociraptor friendship thing was too much

– The CGI was in bad shape for most of the movie

– A very strange and confusing villain

– An unnecessary, phoned-in romantic angle

– And in case you were wondering, they’ll let you know when someone’s a lesbian, okay?

So here’s the question… can I recommend you go see Jurassic World Dominion?

The answer is… ehh, yeah; I guess. Go see it if you’re a Jurassic Park super fan or if you don’t mind insane movies. The take away I had from JWD was, “Who the hell let them go this preposterous with the Jurassic Park franchise?” It’s a far cry from the original, and while the slight odes to the original were appreciated, it was just a stupid movie. 

Here’s my scale…

1. MUST SEE

2. NOT BAD

3. RENT IT

4. AVOID IT

I’m leaning towards rent it, but I’d say see if you’re not bothered by the absurd. It’s a shut-off-my-brain and munch on popcorn and macaroni bites (which got a great review from my friend, by the way…. but that friend also thought this movie was awesome soooooooo…..).

Here’s the inspiration I got from the movie. I want to do a sketch for That Show Tonight where a guy tries to take a Grizzly bear the way Pratt does with dinosaurs. Just hold out your hand, bro, that Grizzly won’t bite it off. It’s just too much with that… it’s just too much.

Lastly, I know it’s really hard to make movies. It takes a lot of thought and skill and money and time and inspiration… but let’s give it another year. Let’s think this through a bit more before we announce it, yeah?

Okay! I’m done! I hope you enjoyed this review! More to come? We shall see!

Here’s the trailer if you missed it… let us know what you thought of the movie in the comments below!