Well, it’s April 1st! You know what that means, here come all the ‘hilarious’ April Fool’s pranks! (Insert fake laugh here) In case you haven’t realized it yet, I think this day is absolute shit. And for the people who enjoy it? What’s wrong with you? What’s your damage? Before I get around to dismantling this shit day, I did some research as to how this all started, and I think it’s worth noting.

Origins of April Fools’ Day

Some historians speculate that April Fools’ Day dates back to 1582, when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar, as called for by the Council of Trent in 1563. In the Julian Calendar, as in the Hindu calendar, the new year began with the spring equinox around April 1. 

People who were slow to get the news or failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January 1 and continued to celebrate it during the last week of March through April 1 became the butt of jokes and hoaxes and were called “April fools.” These pranks included having paper fish placed on their backs and being referred to as “poisson d’avril” (April fish), said to symbolize a young, easily caught fish and a gullible person.

Got that from the history channel website and it makes a lot of sense. A LOT. In a nutshell: The government told people what day it was. Then? They said they were wrong and changed all the days. Insisting the new info was the absolute tits and brilliant.

Now a bunch of super smart people paid ZERO attention to this government bullshit. They had better things to do. Like fucking survive life in 1582. They didn’t bother arguing about the days of the week because they were busy trying not to fucking die. So of course when some well to do asshole realized they didn’t know that it was April 1st? They mocked. They teased. And they felt smug with their little joke that had ZERO effect on the victims life, other than to annoy him.

That tradition is alive and well today. People make their little April fool’s jokes and it’s annoying. That’s it. That’s all. You didn’t ‘get me’ with your little prank. I was busy, working bitch. And polite enough to play along with your lame ass stunt we ALL saw coming!

Here’s another thing. If you fucking love pranks so much, do that shit all the time! Be funnier every fucking day! Why wait for the ‘official’ day of funny? You know who does that? Un-funny, un-fun people. There. I said it. Fuck all if you. I cannot continue to pretend this is okay. It’s not. You’re an idiot with too much time on your hands or low self esteem or some other bullshit. None of which I can help you with. I’m busy.