My adventure among the Canadian clan of the Urban Peoples continues. Part 1 here.

(RELATED: Ahnold – The Decline)

It has been a week among the City People and it has been one fraught with danger, exotic foods but most importantly, learning experiences. As mentioned in Part 1, these people are oft neglected in our society–living in shadows except for brief glimpses in movies, music, media, literature and culture. We know very little of what makes them tick.

The City Person of Canada is known for three traits: politeness, culture and diversity. It was the goal of my expedition to discover, verify and document these to bring back to my fellow scientists at the Waffle House on Jefferson Davis Avenue.

Politeness — It is indeed true. But, as I’ve observed in other urban cultures, high-density living also breeds a certain reserved nature. And in 2021, it also carries a certain fear.

Cultured — Yes! City People have a rich heritage to draw upon. Cities sprung up at the founding of these nations, at first as trading posts, manufacturing and colonies (all things despised by subsequent generations upon discovering that their forebearers were greedy, polluting colonists). Thankfully they’ve been replaced by a more sophisticated breed concerned with justice, diversity and a burning desire to be identified by their genitals and what they do with them.

Having wanted to abandon things they once stood for, city folk were left with little to believe in. It appears they then turned inwards, or rather, downwards, to their pants.

It was a surprise to me that cities have not only sexualities, but those sexualities are very gay. Now, even out in the hinterlands where I live, we have the occasional homosexual and rainbow flag. So I know what that is. And except for our annual Stoning of the Sodomite, we all get along very well. But that could not have prepared me for what I saw here.

Now as my anthropologist icon Alex Jones famously said, “The chemicals in the water are turning the frogs gay!” Sure, at the time we mocked him, but as it was revealed to me on darksecrets.org, the CIA did some experiments in a shadowy op called “Operation Homonetary.” It was a 70s experiment to affect a country’s economic infrastructure. It was rumored that they dumped chemicals into Lake Ontario which clearly turned the banks gay.

So what of the legendary urban diversity? City people brag about their diversity–and they have a right to. Hindu, Korean, Japanese, Middle Eastern, Sikh, Chinese all make their lives here. The tapestry of humanity meets here and opens the best restaurants. I’m told we are to supposed to both celebrate, but not fetishize, respect, but not call attention to, make friends with, but not impose my “whiteness” on, the ethnic and religious minorities. So for me, the safest course was just to order off the menu and not make eye contact.

As my time here winds down, I will bid farewell to the very interesting and unique City People and journey back to civilization. I look at the urbanites with fascination and hope–hope that like us, they can be enlightened. Already I’m seeing signs of hope.