Welcome dear reader to a public defense of the honor and character of Winona Ryder. As you may be aware, the lovely and talented actress has been in the news lately for the alleged reasons her relationship with a certain singer, failed. I won’t sully myself with repeating these reasons, instead I’ll let you see it the way we all did on social media.

Ms. Ryder’s former boyfriend is the singer from Jamiroqui… the band that did ‘Virtual Insanity’. Just so you know.

This guy. The dude in the hat.

He say’s he broke up with Winona Ryder because she wanted sex all the time and her breasts were big. Hmmmm….

What have we become? As a society. This is too much. Too much I say.

Now this is the part where I defend Winona Ryder and there is zero hidden agenda. My plan is simple. I hope she sees this and is delighted with my take on the situation. Then someday we meet at a party and we both delightfully laugh. Then everyone at the party is like “Who’s that dude that Winona is laughing with?” It is a tad self-centered? Sure. And I don’t care. It’s a long shot, but it’s a shot.

Right now? Winona may be feeling a bit blue. Maybe she’s confused and a little down… Like this?

Just know this: Winona owes no one an apology for anything! My goodness, people! What wrong could she possibly have done? She likes sex? Is that a crime? Then I guess we’re all going to jail.

Are you starting to think this is all an excuse to post picture of Winona Ryder? Shame on you.

Winona Ryder is a delight. For real. Gorgeous and talented and all that good stuff. If her former boyfriend is bummed about her sex drive and her boobs? Well friends, the winner in that match-up is Winona Ryder and it’s not even close.

And for the record, you may think my plan of meeting Winona and her finding me to be a delight is crazy. You should know that stranger things have happened. (See what I did there? Stranger Things?) I think one more look may be in order.